Through this week, I have been intrigued and touched by the topic of ‘masking’. Dr Hannah Blecher (2022) describes masking as: “…to hide or disguise parts of oneself in order to better fit in with those around you. It is an unconscious strategy all humans develop whilst growing up in order to connect with those around us.”

Whilst often spoken about in relation to Autism, it really is relevant to everyone…

Masking can lead to burnout, by trying to be who we think we need to / should be for so long, that we lose sight of ourselves, our goals and what is important to us, we turn off to or become numb to our emotions, our instincts, to a point that we can become incapable or fearful of recognising them. Masking can have an important function, like wearing our ‘professional’ mask (or ‘hat’) in a business meeting or our ‘parent’ mask to our kids, but to consciously unmask is also necessary, healthy and freeing…to be able to say to ourselves, or someone we trust that we are struggling, scared or anxious opens the opportunity to free that feeling and to take ownership of it – rather than letting our negative feelings control us, we can begin to control them.  

Masking can also lead to feelings of guilt and shame; *if I seem ok, I must be ok, right? *if anyone realises I am struggling even though I seem ok, will they think I am lying?  *What if people don’t like who I ‘really’ am?

The children’s book, ‘perfectly Norman’ by Tom Percival is a powerful example of the beauty of unmasking… The young boy in the book, Norman, grows a pair of wings, he knows this is different, he doesn’t want to be different, he just wants to fit in… He decides to hide the wings under a big coat, this takes great effort, it also makes him really uncomfortable and incapable of doing some of the things he loves… until one day, he realises the wings are not the problem – the coat is!

So I invite you all, to be brave and take your coat off every now and then, and to spread your wings and appreciate their beauty. Not only are you are beautiful under that coat – you will also help others to see their beauty, their worth by seeing your ‘wings’, your differences, your vulnerabilities they will begin to be less fearful of sharing their own.

A line from the new Antman film (2023) feels really relevant here; “It’s never too late to stop being a d**k!” it made me smile as it quite bluntly reinforces that its never too late to change… denying our real feelings leads to fear, shame and anger, by instead embracing – by ‘unmasking’ them, we can become a better version of ourselves, better in business, in parenting, in life – and we can encourage others to do the same…